Friday, March 6, 2009


I was doing good, feeling good. Taking care of myself, happier than I've ever been or imagined I could be.

Then someone came along and kicked the box with all of the demons inside.

Now they're all screaming.

And I can't make them stop. I can't block them out. They're so loud that I can feel them; I want to scratch out my fucking eyes. Ugly, stupid, fat, disgusting, all on a loop in my head, circling the drain and scrambling for purchase and I can't stand it, I can't fucking stand it.

I know that I'll learn to ignore them again, until they grow tired and quiet. I know I'll forget that they're there again, like I always do. I know I will, and yet... This feeling, while I'm feeling it, is eternal and infinite and immesurable. I can't see or even imagine the end of it.

I hate myself so much and I don't like to be reminded... I don't like this. I don't like this at all.

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