I'm starting to wonder if instead of pregnant, I might be infected with some strange disease. I have good(ish) reason for suspecting this, some of which include:
-I itch. A LOT... Especially from the knees down. My skin itches so bad, it burns. I kind of want to peel it off and start over.
-I'm hot. Wait, no. I'm cold. Wait. Hot. Fuck... do you have a blanket? But one that won't keep me warm when I want to be cooled off? Why are you looking at me like that?
-I'm really stuffed up. I know that doesn't mean I have the Black Death, but it doesn't mean I don't.
-There are random pains everywhere. Just now, it feels like someone poked me in my orbital bone. Hard. Earlier, my right hip was stabby-ow for a split second. My whole body seems to be on the fritz.
-My eyes are really dry. I've always had a phobia about rubbing my eyes and now I can't stop doing it, and every time I do there's this voice in the back of my head screaming "YOU'RE GOING TO GO BLIND!" because my mom said rubbing your eyes too hard could sever your cornea, or something terrible like that. Because she was an alarmist. And now so am I. Jesus save me.
-I'm super sensitive to light and sound. The darker and quieter a room is, the happier I am.
...Obviously, you see, I'm dying. These aren't hormonal reactions. They're clearly the symptoms of plague and death and misery and woe.
(Except I'm not miserable, or ... woeful. Just amazed how much being pregnant can resemble being really sick with something pretty nasty, except without the nasty. It's all very strange.)