Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Pussy Boy go -splat-

I almost ran over my ex today. Literally.

See, he does this thing where he pretends he can't see me, when he... uh, sees me. He'll physically turn away, hunch his shoulders, and pretend really hard that I'm invisible. This extends to anyone I might be with, even if he's good friends with them. They don't exist, nothing exists except whatever is in the exact opposite direction of wherever I am. He'll actually turn to keep his back to me, without any sense of irony, spinning in circles if I keep moving around him. I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm almost sure he even closes his eyes. He honestly is PRETENDING I'm not there, not just ignoring me. He's make-believing. My hand to Jesus, I swear it's true. He does this with a complete lack of humor, not seeing how rediculous it is at all.

Something about me being mind-numbingly happy and getting pregnant with my new boyfriend's kid a scant 5 months after I kicked him out of our apartment has apparently put his balls in a bunch. Or something. Me, personally, I smile and wave and chalk it up to a bad relationship come to end. We don't have to be friends, but there's no reason for us to be enemies.

He doesn't feel that way. He feels like I'm a giant evil douche bag that broke his heart (I kind of did that) and doesn't care (no... no, I don't, actually.) He's just a much better victim than I am. He's happy with it, so whatever. I try not to go against his wishes -- which he was specific about: "I never want to see The Girl again as long as I am alive." He not only said this to me, but to every common friend we have. He may have written a letter to the President and copied it to the Pope, for all I know. He's very serious and stern about it.

I digress! Moving along! So, I was driving and I came to a stop light on a corner, where I was going to turn right. I saw him standing on the corner, to my right, and he saw me so he did the THING. He turned away, stared straight ahead, and pretended I was not there. (Seriously, you can see him thinking I can't see you, I can't see you, La-la-la-la, I can't see you... It's bizarre. Mostly because he's 32, not 4.) When the light turned, I turned right.

Well, I don't know if he thought he could also pretend away my car or what, but he actually stepped in front of my MOVING VEHICLE. I'm not even kidding. Like, he stepped off of the curb and IN FRONT of my CAR.

I'm not actually clear on which of us has the right of way in this situation, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't step in front of ANYONE without looking. Also, mind you, this is the person that I would gladly strangle into unconsciousness, and he realizes this. (I can't suffer perpetual victims and pompous assholes. I tried -for three years, yo- but I just can't.) He knows I have no patience for him and absolutely zero remorse about our relationship ending. I used to care that his feelings were hurt. Then he turned into a douche bag. Not surprisingly, I quickly stopped caring.

Now why in the hell would a person step in front of a moving vehicle being driven by someone that wouldn't stop to see if they were alive after running them over?

Motherfucker has some balls, I guess. I don't know. My best guess would be that he actually expected me to wait for him to cross the street. (Have I mentioned he's pretty full of himself? And over confident? And that everything is a power struggle, that he always has to be in control, and right, and you have to always pay complete attention to him and what he wants, and that by not being the first one to continue on his way, he would feel inferior? Because, oh yeah, THAT.) Or maybe he really thinks that by pretending I am not there, I won't be. Maybe he's got some kind of magic disappear-o power that he hid very well from me. I can see that being a possibility, and although I didn't FEEL invisible, I can promise you that I know for a fact my CAR was not. It was very real, very hard, and aimed right for his body.

So to make a long story longer, his reflexes seem to have improved since I helped him box up his shit and get it out of my apartment, because he very narrowly avoided my bumper by throwing himself backward onto the sidewalk.

I hope he skinned up his hands. Or at least his ass. I hope what he takes away from this isn't that I would gladly run him over (I wouldn't. But I'm not going to STOP if he steps in FRONT of me,) but that you can't just pretend things don't exist -- they're still there, moving through the world, all around you. All you're going to gain by refusing to look at something is the benefit of not realizing you're about to be run over.

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