Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Uhhh. Wait, no, what?

So, like, I keep forgetting I'm pregnant.

I mean, that's not exactly true. It's not like I'm pushing open the door to the bar and I'm all "Eureka! Hold up a moment, there, chum, I believe I may be gestating! Rats, perhaps I may take a rain check?" because no, seriously, I stay away from things that are bad for me or whatever.

It's just that most of the time? I don't feel pregnant. Other than that whole ONE FUCKING WEEK (how lucky am I? And here I sit, tempting fate again.) of uber sickness, I haven't been especially ill or anything, and I'm not really showing yet at 2.5 months, so... It's easy to forget there's a multiplying and dividing mass of cells and stuff growing in my belly.

Except when I get hungry. Which isn't entirely accurate, since I'm never hungry. Ever. I don't get hungry. I don't want to eat food, and no food sounds good. If I don't eat every 2-3 hours, however, I get SICK. Like, REALLY SICK. Like, grab your ankles and scream for Jesus until the desperation echos in your cooter and wakes the baby, sick.

But other than that? This thing isn't real to me yet. In fact, it's so unreal that when I'm experiencing a notable lack of sickness and complete void of any other symptoms of my delicate condition, I spend most of my time worrying. I worry that something's gone wrong, that the baby isn't growing, or that we'll go to the doctor on the 4th and find out hey, sorry! We don't know how all those tests and the first ultrasound were all wrong but guess what! No baby in your tummy! Go on home and have a good night! It's THAT unreal to me. So, so unreal.

That'll change, right? I'll relax at some point, right? I mean... I have to, don't I?

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